05/11/26

Still been working up at the ranch a couple days a week, maybe 3. Whenever Andy calls me and tells me he needs me. He usually calls me the night before and we talk for 30 minutes to an hour. He tells me about all the shit he’s got going on and how magical the world is and how lucky we are.

He’s been ripping around on one of those scooters old people ride on. I’ll chase him in the tractor and follow him to where he wants me, listen as he tells me what he wants me to do. He straps a pair of crutches to the back of the scooter for when he wants to stand up and walk around and show me this or that, or look in the engine of one of the trucks to point out what I need to do.

He’s on the scooter and crutches ‘cause Monty the horse stomped his foot, and he kept working his ass off afterward til he couldn’t walk anymore. The scooter’s his brother’s who lives up at the ranch too, he lost his legs from diabetes. I bring his brother outside in his wheel chair when it’s time for our lunch break. He sits at the table outside with us and eats with us. Andy tells him what we got going on and what we’re doing, keeps him up to date. Then I wheel him back inside and we get back to work.

I got mad at Andy the other day when he was stood over my shoulder while I was cracking hydraulic lines on the small crane truck. I had it bottled up from the other day when he was hovering over me watching me as I drilled holes while I was replacing boards on the flat deck.

I said Andy, I’m 37 years old, I’m a foreman on a signals construction crew on the railway. I do not need you to watch me while I use a wrench.

I knew it came from my own insecurities. I knew I was acting out of fear. I knew I just wanted him to trust me. I told him I needed him to trust me.

Andy said, well I’m the boss and I’m the one paying you.

I said, I know, but if you can’t trust me, we’ll have to try something else.

Anyway, Andy busted out a page of the Big Book he had photo copied and printed in his work binder. We read it and Andy said, I NEED TO TRUST GOD. If I don’t trust God, then I don’t trust myself and I can’t trust you.

I said I was sorry about acting out of fear and insecurity like that, that I knew he had years of knowledge on me and that I wanna learn from him.

The next day when I showed up, he told me what he wanted me to do, stopped and looked at me, and said, I TRUST YOU COMPLETELY.

I put a new serpentine belt and alternator belts in the big crane truck. Anything I was unsure about I asked Andy. When Andy was unsure, I asked the internet and I said, Andy, I know you hate the internet but it says this.

Then we’d call Kevin and Kevin would tell us what to do.

At some point I was on the shitter. Andy was yelling my name asking where I was, I yelled back, IM ON THE SHITTER.

He started laughing maniacally and all of a sudden a Nickelback song I’d never heard before started playing loud as hell through the house. Andy used to sell speakers, so he’s got all sorts of big speakers rigged up around the house.

So this Nickelback song is fucking blaring and I come out of the bathroom and walk into the hallway and I can see into the living room. Andy’s sat on a stool in front of the big bay windows, his crutches beside him. He’s still got a headlamp around his head, and he’s got this great big bongo drum looking thing between his legs and he’s wailing on it to the beat of the Nickelback song.

Before I left, Andy made sure I took a bouquet of lilacs home with me.

After the ranch I met J in Sechelt at a meeting. J took 8 months. After the meeting he hugged me and told me he was so happy he found me. I told him I loved him and was so happy we found each other. Im happy J is alive. The world’s better for it.